The Desi ways of Down-bringing
How many of us as desi kids feel we should have been brought up differently? Or you’re a 30 something stressed-out workaholic who doesn’t know how to share her feelings or talk about her stress? There is no one to blame here but the system. The desi way of growing up comes with its own set of stigmas and prohibitions. These only grow inside you and feed on your insecurities. Here are some desi ways of upbringing that are much closer to the spectrum of down-bringing.
Respect
I’ve been told to repeat the mantra ‘Respect your elders’ since I was born. While I do believe that it is important to respect your elders, I feel it is even more important to respect those who deserve it. My misogynistic uncle, who indulges in casual sexism every time we meet? By telling me to respect him, you are telling me that any kind of behavior is acceptable for a man his age.
Unrealistic Pressure
The common meme of Indian parents comparing their kids’ to Sharma Ji’s is a sad reality. Desi parents need their kids to be good at everything. Not just good, better than the other kids. And accomplishments don’t count if they aren’t in academics.
Inherent Gender Roles
‘Ma why are you only asking me to help? Why isn’t bhaiya helping to lay the table?’ Something I found myself asking and wondering since I was very young. You sowed the idea of gender roles in the brain of a ten-year-old. Do you see how problematic that is?
Stifling personal space
I’m the kind of person who needs her space to feel composed. And if you’re anything like that, you know the struggle of getting five minutes alone in a Desi household. Wanting space is taken as a sign of disrespect. If you get the logic behind that, please enlighten us.
Imposing decisions
I question my decision-making skills even now because since I was a kid, every small decision has been made for me. What do I want? Should I get this or that? Thanks, I have no idea.
Mental health, what?
You’re feeling sad? It’s nothing, it’ll go away. At the time, I didn’t see the problem with this, but now I do. At any point, 50 Million Indian teenagers suffer from mental health illnesses. If we fail to acknowledge something, how are we going to make it better?
Art is not a profession
I remember how disappointed everyone was in me when I decided to take up Commerce instead of Science. Not just my parents but also my teachers. They were even more disappointed because I was ‘good at studies’. Why do desi adults believe that Science is the only way ahead if you want to build a future? No other field of study commands any respect in their eyes.
Homophobia and other taboos
No mom, it’s NOT just a phase and I’m not too young to think about ‘these things’. I want to say it louder for the adults at the back. Our life choices aren’t a subject matter for your Wednesday gossip sessions.
I think we turned out fine humans, even with all this baggage. But I can’t help but think, did we have a chance to be better? We need to stop being such a shame-based culture. Take pride in your child’s accomplishments, and leave breathing room for his failures.
