Helicopter Parenting: How Indian Parents Interfere

“Hum janwar bhi apne bacchon ko training dete hain... Par ek baar agar bacche bade ho gaye toh unhein apni marzi se jeene Ke liye chod dete hain....magar humaare desi Maa Baap kabhi Yeh maan hi nahin sakte ki unke bacchon mein itni akal aa gayi hain, ki woh apni marzi se jeeye.”
       
                                            ~Pluto Mehra (Dil Dhadakne Do)

Indian parents are the most known for interfering way too much in their children’s lives. This type of parenting is called helicopter parenting, because, just like a helicopter, they hover over our heads. It is an attribute and a notion passed on from one generation to another. Helicopter parenting is like a mantra for being a successful desi parent. What disturbs the most is that they know they’re doing it, but they never bother to change their practice because of the ultimate belief : Maa Baap ke liye bacchein kabhi bade nahin hotein! How do you even expect them to grow up when you don’t let them make mistakes, let alone learning from them?

Reasons

Now, many may wonder: what is it that makes Indian parents so protective about their children that to monitor their lives, they will go up to any extent (one of the basic ones being checking their phones.) Here is why:

1. Indian parents our sophomaniacs. They think they know everything that there is to this world and their decisions about us can never go wrong. If you try talking them out of their belief… ha! Tell me how that worked out for you.

2. Indian children are nothing but a plan that Indian parents invest in. We Indians have this knack of never letting one penny go waste. And children? They have invested not only their money but also their time and effort in their lives. Moreover, knowing how your investment is being used is a right of any investor, no?

3. Indians strongly believe in the joint-family system. Always, the most elderly family member takes the decisions on behalf of the entire family, and it will be against the norms if any one member violates or questions the decisions taken for him/her. Even in nuclear families, the parents carry the same notion. They believe that everything in their life is right (which, sadly is not the truth) because their parents took their decisions for them. So, they practice the same exercise of controlling, or should I say, messing up their child’s life, too.

4. Arrange marriage is an Indian trend, almost a culture. How someone can decide for you your soulmate, I do not know. What I do know is that parents still insist on arrange marriage even when their own arrange marriage is a disaster. Any other country, and they’d be divorced ages ago. I don’t think there are as many mismatches as there are in India.

5. Children represent their parents. And, parents are a huge part of this unsatisfied, nagging society. Will I be too harsh if I say that parents are extremely self-centered humans who tame their children in favour of the societal functionings just so they can maintain their reputation? Because, they are. Their narcissism and extreme care of reputation forces the children to not come out or accept their own sexuality.

6. Sometimes, Indians can be all about bragging. This is also why the parents try to control your career. Many a times, they decide what you are going to become before you are even born. According to their mentality, any job except the white collar job isn’t a career, it is merely a hobby. Indians consider jobs like becoming a waitress or serving popcorn in a theatre as odd jobs . Fun fact: winning a race on your Annual Sports Day in a school is encouraged, but to run for a living is highly inappropriate, and such a thought shouldn’t be entertained.

7. Indian parents have a ‘class.’ Hence, the children should select their life partner or even your friends accordingly.

I am not saying that all Indian parents are the same, or that only Indian parents are like that. But, this is a general complaint of the children of India. Being too poky may satisfy you as a parent, but it makes you distant from your children. Children tend to find a way about for doing what they want to. The only difference is that because of your continuous interference and forbidding, you will miss out on their actual milestones. Either your children will lie to you, or simply not involve you in the crises, or in their achievements.

If you are a parent, and you do all or some of these above, change your parenting methods. There are many counsellors out there who will help you get out of your helicopter parenting phase. Giving space is one of the vital steps of gaining respect and developing an understanding.
Stop hovering, start befriending.