Lies Your Indian Parents May Have Told You

Let’s begin with the lies list with the first lie, that they love you.

I’m only joking, I’m sure they love you for real. I’m sure.

 

Now, as a child, we’ve all grown up with our parents telling us countless lies and explanations to suit their needs that we only realized were lies, when we grew up. 

These harmless white lies range from “pure evil” to “I’m using this on my own children.”

Let’s look at a few such lies:

#1. “Abhi padh lo baad me aish hi aish hai.”

Strength Level: Pure evil.

No matter how many times I’ve heard this, I always fall for it. I can’t help it. Exams are important, sure, but the temptation of being free as soon as possible is too great.

Who doesn’t want to enjoy one simple day without their parents reminding them exactly how much marks they got in the last exam?

But I can understand exactly why they use this method. I hate it but I can understand it. These words are probably the only reason a lot of people pass 10th.

A small warning: After, like, a week, when you’ve forgotten these words, they’re gonna say these same words again to you with a straight face and no shame.

#2. “Back bench par mat betha kar life me kuch nahi kar payega.”

Strength Level: Lesser Evil.

How does my seating arrangement have anything to do with my grades? 

I guess I can understand why parents would think backbenchers are somehow less intelligent due to the stereotype that backbenchers pay less attention, bunk classes, are mischievous, and cause trouble in class but that is, however, not always the case. 

But our parents just always want the best for us and therefore use the method of “better safe than sorry” and warn us anyway. 

Still evil, though. A great deal of amazing people and lasting friendships have come from those last chairs.

“The best brains of the nation may be found on the last benches of a classroom.” – A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

#3. “Bacche sirf shaadi ke baad hi hote hai, usse pehle kuch nahi.”

Strength Level: Why??? Just why? 

Why would you give terrible sex ed to this little kid? Maybe it isn’t time for them to have the talk about the birds and the bees, sure, but as an adult with a kid and a lot of lies under your belt, I’m sure you can come up with a better excuse than this.

What’s up with telling lies to your kids and then letting them figure it out because of an awkward confrontation of reality in 5th grade?

I grew up thinking kids just happen. Out of the blue. You get married and then⁠—bam!⁠—here’s a kid, congrats.

As you may have guessed, 5th grade was real awkward for me.

 

#4. “Beta ye dosti me kuch nahi rakha sab bekaar ki cheezein hoti hai.”

Strength Level: Mean. Not evil, just mean.

As a kid, you’re taught friendship is important. Friends will help you in life, you’re supposed to value a friend. And then one day, your parents come up to you and tell you that all your friendships are useless. 

And then they ask why I have trust issues.

#5. “Ped ka seed khane se pet me ped ug jata hai.”

Strength Level: Mom, I’m 5 years old not 5 months. Don’t scare me like this.

 

You don’t know how terrified I was of this happening to me.

Every time I accidentally swallowed a seed, it was a whole round of “Am I going to die?” to “What tree is growing in me, I wonder?”

I was a gullible child. As were you. Don’t lie to me.

 

#6. “Chai peene se kala ho jayega.”

Strength Level: NO. That’s not how basic biology works.

Even as a child, I think we all had a little bit of brain. At least I never fell for this. Why would you even believe this when your “fairer-than-thou” mom drinks the same tea three times a day?

#7. “Chal tu ye exam clear karle fir tu jo bolega wo le denge, bas kush?”

Strength Level: Temptation is sin.

The age-old way of tempting an innocent into attempting to get good marks. It really is true. The temptation is a sin.

Because no matter if it worked or not, these words were definite lies. I can confirm from experience. I never got that iPhone 5 after all, Mom. Don’t think I forgot just because you pretended to.

#8. “Jo log cigarette ya daaru karte hain woh gande log hote hain.”

Strength Level: Understandable.

Bad lungs don’t mean bad human beings but you know what? I get it. 

Your parents just want you to stay safe and not fall into bad habits. They’re trying to protect you. 

However, it’s still a lie. Probably the greatest or the richest person on the planet drinks just as much as Mohan bhaiya from next door.

Also Check: Seven Things Indian Parents Must Talk To Their Children About

#9. “Paer taapne se height rukk jaati hai.”

Strength Level: What was the point of this?

Is it bad I still follow it? Just in case…

But seriously, what kind of lie is this? What was the point in telling us this?

#10. “Gum swallow mat karna nahi to pet me atak jayegi.”

Strength Level: Scary as hell.

Even now, I take extra care not to accidentally swallow gum. I know my stomach won’t actually stick together but I’m still scared.

I guess that was the point of this.

#11. “Shaitaani zada karega to boarding school me dal denge.”

Strength Level: You don’t even take us to the park.

Okay but ever since we were young, we are fed with horror stories of boarding schools. How the matrons there beat children, kids get bullied, people get thrown off buildings and what-not, so this was a pretty effective way of keeping kids in line.

Too bad we knew our parents’ bank account better than them. :’)

#12. “Jab mai tumhari age ka tha to aisa kabhi nahi kar pata.”

Strength Level: Stop thy villainy.

Just because your time and age did not allow basic human freedom, Dad, doesn’t mean mine doesn’t. Or that I shouldn’t enjoy it.

#13. “Ladki ki tarah roh raha hai. Ladke nahi rote aise.”

Strength Level: Toxic Masculinity is disgusting.

Uh, no, tear ducts don’t exist via gender. 

 

Men are allowed to cry as much and as badly as women are. In fact, there is a study which proves men are more emotional than women.

This also perpetuates the wrong notion that somehow crying is a womanly trait? And since a man isn’t a “good enough” man if he cries, women are not “good enough” as men. 

I could go on forever on how toxic this kind of thinking is and how badly it affects your little sister or daughter who may be listening but that isn’t what this article is about so let’s move on.

#14. “Tu mera bacha hai. What privacy? Tere baare me mujhe sab pata hona chahiye.”

Strength Level: No. Just no.

Look, I understand being worried about your kid but their privacy is still their privacy. 

Keeping secrets and having space is different.

If you’re worried your kid is keeping some kind of harmful secret, you should be allowed to investigate or talk it out with your kid but forcefully logging onto your kid’s Instagram or checking their personal diary is highly unhealthy and infringing on their privacy.

It makes them feel as if they can’t talk to you anymore or that they’re not safe around you.

#15. “Arey, daard nahi hoyega, injection ekdam cheeti ke kaatne ki tara lage ga.”

Strength Level: Yeah, I’m using this on my kid.

Yeah, sure, it’s exactly like an ant bite, Mom. Sure. *cries*

Evil but nonetheless funny, I will so do this to my kids. Then I will enjoy the look on their face as the injections hurts hella more.

Maybe I shouldn’t have kids…

 

Well, I don’t know about having kids but this sure was a lot of fun to write. Helps you revisit some nice memories, right?

Are there any other lies your parents told you? Have you figured out the biggest lie they told you was that they are your parents?

Oh no! You haven’t figured it out yet. In that case, forget I said anything.