Instances where English was laid to rest!

Instances where English was laid to rest!: All of us have faltered and made mistakes during our childhood days when it came to speaking English. Right from committing spelling mistakes to making grammatical errors – we have all been there, done that. But some of us ignore the advice of our teachers who so tirelessly persuade us to keep a dictionary handy in case we are faced with hardships in life (read: difficult English words).

Did you know that the legendary poet and playwright Shakespeare invented words like ‘bedroom’ and ‘elbow’ almost 400 years ago? Now I have enough common sense to say that I am nowhere near the legend when it comes to proficiency in English.

When English turned in its grave

But some people go a step further to think that they can defeat Shakespeare if there were in a Spelling Bee contest against him. So, they ignore every little warning sign.

They go on to become so proficient (I hope you sense sarcasm here) that they not only invent completely new words, but their creations have now become the stuff of the legends! (That means they have gone viral on social media. Do not panic, they won’t make it to the Literary Hall of Fame).

So let us take a look at some instances that made us either cringe or die with laughter just thinking about the sheer creativity that went into the creation and pronunciation of words. These crusaders of English will truly make you say, “Rest in Peace, English!”

• Arnold SubhashNagar:

I know what you are thinking right now. You guys must be going all wide-eyed and narrow-browed just to understand whether I am naming a person or describing a place. Do not worry; all your questions will be answered. But let me give you a little background on this.

A lady named Rajeshwari mispronounced a famous actor’s name. Let me give you a hint: He was the main lead of “The Terminator” movie franchise. You guessed it right! It is, indeed, actor Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Now, Mrs. Rajeshwari is a teacher who teaches English to her students (consider yourself blessed if you had good English tutors).

So during one of her classes, she thought to herself, “Why not take the risk and show my students how proficient I am in English?” And the risk that she took eventually had the Internet dying with laughter.

So I am sure the next time Arnold SubhashNagar, sorry, Arnold Schwarzenegger comes on your TV screens, you will remember our Indian Shakespeare too!

• Anus English Academy:

Guys, please don’t think that I have gone nuts. My head is in the right place. No vulgar language being promoted here. An English teaching Academy by the name Anus does exist. I do not know what the professor will teach: English or Biology.

As cringe-worthy as it sounds, you just got to pity the person who must have genuinely told the poster-maker the right word, but the latter must have heard something completely different and did not even bother to clarify the mistake.

By the way, the proprietor’s name was Anu, but the poster-maker forgot to put the apostrophe! Now you realize why paying attention during grammar classes was so important!

• Maám Bra Do:

Again, no vulgarity being promoted here. This happened to one of my friends. Well, his auto-correct screwed him up. Generally, we write in our language to make the conversation easier, be it Hindi or any other language.

So this is how my friend’s auto-correct landed him in soup: He was texting his college professor about a seminar and he wanted to say “Maám, bata do” (Maám, please let me know).

But instead, his auto-correct changed the “bata” to “bra”! Talk about sticky situations! And when a professor is involved, the situation goes to a whole new level.

What happened next? Well, he changed his SIM card and did not go to college for an entire week. He apologized to his professor once he dared to do so.

• Stand in a straight circle:

Just the thought of standing in a straight circle makes your brain press the Panic button. Imagine someone saying it.

This was an incident that happened during my school days where our sports coach, though a gentleman at heart, would often end up screwing the Queen’s language. So when he wanted us to stand in a circle, he meant for us to stand in a “straight circle”.

You could not blame him too, right? He must have always thought that standing straight would be standing straight in a line.

So standing straight meant standing in a line, irrespective of what shape standing straight took, right? Do my words make sense? Well, does the entire article make any sense?

• Go small behind:

That’s English for “Move a little behind.” Go figure this one out, ‘cause I can’t. Go small? *spends hours pondering over this one but doesn’t get an answer*.

• Mene Kure, Padi Kure:

Another one of the hoardings put up outside a beauty salon. In case you didn’t know what that means, it means manicure and pedicure written in English.

• Santosh Tailors: Alteration of Ladies to Gents:

Do not panic when you stop by Santosh Tailors next time. He is just a tailor and not a sexologist. He will stitch up your clothes only. Not you.

• All phones abailabul here:

I swear I had to see the wrong word carefully. The word itself sounds like a tongue-twister and onomatopoeia combined. ‘All phones available here’, is what this guy meant to say. But as I said, we have our very own, Indian Shakespeares.

So, the above instances show us the true power English has, and the people powerful enough to screw the entire language up, altogether.

So while the inventors of English turn in their graves as they see their beloved language being savagely destroyed in front of their eyes, I hope you guys had a little fun reading these instances that will surely make you feel blessed for having listened to your tutors!