Things Anxiety Sufferers Want To Tell Their Partners

Ugh! I can’t do this! I don’t know if this is the right decision…I am scared…I think I would rather be at home…I don’t know why am I feeling so anxious!

Is Your Partner dealing with Anxiety? Are you here because this is what your beloved ends up telling you most of the time?

I get it. Trust me, I do. It’s overwhelming and baffling to understand why do our partners react the way they do sometimes. It’s because sometimes we tend to give a blind eye to our emotions and comprehend them superficially. That is why, before getting irritated you need to understand that certain reactions stem due to anxiety that your partner suffers through daily.

There’s a fine line between being anxious and dealing with anxiety which is a serious mental disorder. Responses of fear and nervousness to normal stressors like an upcoming exam or dealing with a breakup is normal. However, excessive paranoia that has harsh effects on your body and brain is a clinical anxiety disorder. The people suffering through this do not know the root cause of their feelings and hence fail to give you an explanation. Yes, talking and sorting things out does come to your aid, but most of the time people suffering from anxiety disorder really can’t help themselves.

Wondering what are you supposed to do?

Just UNDERSTAND. Let’s make things simpler by stating those facts that someone dealing with anxiety would want his/her, partner, to know.

1) I don’t worry willingly

‘What’s a big deal? You got to stop taking things so seriously.’ We’ve been hearing this time and again. It’s sad how most people don’t understand that we have not chosen to stress out. We need an exception from our partners, every time someone passes such an impetuous statement, it feels like a direct attack on our feelings. Firstly, we had been worrying and now you add up to our guilt.

2) If I could, I would chill

It almost infuriates our nerves, every time we hear ‘chill bro’, ‘you need to calm down’. We want to calm down, We want to chill. But, it doesn’t come to us as easily as it comes to you. So, try not to disregard our efforts and emotions with your trivial advice. I know you say it with earnest intentions of providing health and comfort. However, it merely adds up to the boiling rage. Now, making things worse than before.

3) I don’t choose to overthink

When we are overanalyzing the details and countering restlessness during infinite small and big occasions, we’re aware of it. Therefore, when we share our vulnerabilities and fears with you, all we need is a listener and a comforter. Someone who can truly understand the places, we and our thoughts come from. During these interactions, you can try not to give your partners a cold shoulder or disparage their thoughts by shutting them down or showing disinterest. Do not shove ‘you’re just overthinking on their face’. Instead, hear them out.

4) I appreciate your patience

Okay! we wouldn’t be extremely vocal about our love and respect for you every time. Nevertheless, we do acknowledge the efforts that you put in and the patience that you hold. We don’t ever take you for granted. Most of the time, people like us are well acquainted with the facts that we do give root to several arguments due to our inhibitions and insecurities. Handling us in relationships isn’t an easy-flowing task and we are immensely grateful for the days you are accessible and don’t make it a big deal to take teensy efforts for our sake.

5) I don’t sulk for attention

“It’s not you, it’s me” yes I know, how bored you are of this cliché, but believe me, in the case of me and my friends dealing with anxiety, we mean it with utter genuineness. We hate being called out for our overthinking. Allegations of being desperate for attention and sympathy are just ways to demean us and our sickness. There are personal bad days that heighten our anxiety levels and bring over physical challenges apart from mental stress and strain. Constant mood swings, need for assurance, and worrying about the most insignificant events and details does make us hate ourselves. This is why some days we don’t hold the energy to smile and be lively around. None of it stems from a need for sympathy and attention.

 

6) I’m not anti-social and weak

Just because we shelter under the blankets some days and choose not to show up because of our so-called invalid fears, doesn’t make us anti-social. We happen to experience comfort only along with a group of people and when put out of our comfort zones, go through an exceeding surge of adrenaline.

7) I try real hard

Even though it isn’t visible most of the time, we are constantly trying.
Trying to chill, Trying not to overthinking, Trying to face our fears, Trying to ignore the blurred details we view, Trying to feel lighter, Trying not to stress out, Trying not to lead others with our deal of issues. We live our lives trying real hard all the time.

8) I expect you to only understand and listen

We know we aren’t okay. We need you to know that we aren’t okay. But that doesn’t mean you take a wholesome responsibility for our well-being. That is completely selfish and isn’t expected from you. All we need is an understanding anchor that helps us come over the surface as we try to swim. We need you to be a support through the toughest of days, by just being there. By not getting annoyed sometimes, even if it was a petty argument. We need you to just be considerate and kind; towards us, towards our perturbation.

If your partner is suffering from Anxiety, all she needs is  an ear to hear and a hand to hold

9) I would request you to keep your judgments and opinions to a halt.

Despite, having a thorough knowledge of the love that you hold for us, the affection that you pour, and your desires for nothing but happiness and comfort for us, you need to realize that preaching doesn’t help the sufferers of anxiety. For you can only imagine their feelings and never understand them. Most of the time, the bits of advice are completely unsolicited and lead us to push you away unintentionally. We would always welcome your opinions and guidance but see that you give us our time to get out of this super anxious and restless frame of mind.

It will be beneficial for both our mental space and relationship

Also Read: Anxiety: How to Talk to and be Supportive of Anxious Friends

10) I’m more than my fears

After going through turbulent rides on a day-to-day basis, there’s a lack of awareness in the society of how tough it is for people suffering through anxiety to keep up their guard and emerge victorious in the excruciating competitive world put there. We might take a break more often, mingle lesser and overanalyze every bit of information. Stress out in the littlest of things, but the world must come to terms and accept that this is a disorder we live with, that it is not our choice but nature’s compulsion. Having said that, it is crucial for every partner to be understanding and empathetic. Know that their loved one is trying real hard and never make him/her feel they are defined by their fears. We are more than our fears.

We’re not victims, we are the real fighters!