4 Signs That Your Friends Might Actually Be A Bully
Have your friends ever mocked you for buying not so fancy clothes? Or ever made fun of your weaknesses in your peer group? Or have they ever ridiculed you because of your weight? If the answer to these questions is a yes, then my friend, you have been bullied. But what are the signs that your friends might actually be a bully?
A few other pertinent questions are –
- Is bullying only limited to physical fight?
- Or is it psychologically as well?
To have a better perspective, let’s reverse the above mentioned premises. Have you ever mocked your friend because of their physical attributes? Or have you ever made fun of their fragility? If the answer is in affirmative, then sadly, you have been a bully too.
Let’s try and dissect the anatomy of bully friends.
Who is a “Bully”?
Friendly banters and taking shots at your friend is a common trait across all friendships. But you need to distinguish between what is friendly & what is hurtful. It is quite possible that they might say something that they didn’t mean at all. That’s totally fine if they apologize for it.
Although, before looking at the signs, it is crucial to look at the definitions of a “Bully”.
The Cambridge dictionary defines a Bully as –
“someone who hurts or frightens someone else, often over a period of time, and often forcing them to do something that they do not want to do.”
The American Psychological Association defines Bullying as –
“Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle actions. The bullied individual typically has trouble defending him or herself and does nothing to “cause” the bullying.”
These definitions are inclusive & exhaustive. Traditionally, bullying has been associated with physical prowess. But gradually it has evolved to include “words” & “subtle actions”. Which means that your bully friend is not only limited to high school. Your friends in college, at work or even your childhood friends might also be a bully.
Signs that your friends might actually be a “Bully”
1. They speak about your weaknesses out & loud
Remember you told your best friend that your parents have been fighting? And that you are having a hard time dealing with it? You had sworn them on their life to keep this to themselves. Didn’t you? Then why did they make this secret public?
When something like this happens, tell yourself – “I am at my weakest point. And my best friend should not have done this.”
If you witness such a trait frequently, cut off your friendship with them. Because you are being bullied emotionally.
Remember – A true friend will always respect your circumstances. They will not exploit your weaknesses to put you in a spot. Because that’s not the definition of friendship.
2. When you are around them, you aren’t the best version of yourself
True friends will never let you feel bad about yourself. They will uplift you and encourage you to be better. But if you are being bullied, you will feel miserable and low in their company. For instance, if you are being constantly criticized for your choices and it leaves you feeling dejected, you need to get rid of that company. This is bullying disguised in causing discomfort to you.
Remember – The choices you make in your life should be independent of your friend’s opinions. Be it your career choices or your life in general. YOU DO YOU.
3. IT AFFECTS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Mental health is as important as your physical health. Do not forget this. Bullying indeed affects your mental health. If you are a victim of bullying, you will experience psychological issues. This is one of the many signs that your friends might actually be a bully.
Bullying doesn’t only mean physical aggression. Being around a bully friend will deteriorate your mental health. You may experience the following signs of –
- Depressive thoughts/depression
- Anxiety
- Suicidal thoughts
- Mood swings
- Adjustment disorder
- Bouts of anger
Remember – Be conscious of your feelings. If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, cut your ties. Talk about it to your parents. If it persists, do not hesitate to consult a professional.
There are a few organisations you can contact –
4. They are not happy in your success
Identify the situations where you have achieved success. How have your friends responded? Were they happy and congratulated you? Or did they pass a nasty comment? Did you feel hints of passive aggression?
This is another sign of a bully friend. They will never revel in your success. You will never receive any appreciation for your achievements. If this happens to you way often, then you are being bullied.
Remember – A true friend will always share their happiness in your success. Or they will provide you with constructive criticism. My suggestion would be to try and differentiate between a constructive & a destructive criticism.
These are some common signs of your friends being a bully. Awareness about your emotions and their responses will help you keep a check on them. Having said that, it is also equally important to know if you are being a bully too. Being a victim, you may not have any control but you sure as hell can stop yourself from turning into a bully.
Also, parents have a huge responsibility to make sure that they raise compassionate children. And it is equally important to check on them. Make sure that they are not bullies or are being bullied in anyway.
Friends are important in anyone’s life. They are the guiding light in dark days. Your personal therapists and your partners in crime. They become your family. If you are lucky to have them, keep them close and don’t forget, “Friends are like stars, they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow”.
