Life of a teen.
Teenage – a beautiful, crucial, vulnerable, life-changing period in one’s lifetimes where a person starts to acknowledge one’s own individuality. Nature has provided a transition period to humans in the journey of body transformation and growth. Its time When boys transform into men and girls bloom into women through the changes that happen in their mind, heart, body, and soul.
There are physical, mental, emotional, social, psychological, and all kinds
of possible changes that take place in this 13 to 19 years of age. It may not
be the most glorious period in one’s life but surely these 7 years determine
how one can make or mar their life path.
These years are the times when everything is transforming slowly and
gradually within a teenager, and the transformation of personality happens
in this phase depending on the surroundings, the incidents one goes
through, the way one acts and reacts in a situation and most importantly
the kinds of parenting they get.
Raging hormones, demanding school life, exhausting social life, the generation gap in parents and children and the ever-increasing
performance pressure to be the best in every aspect of life is sure to take a toll on the teenager. Though every adult has gone through this phase, why
does it become difficult for them to understand the teenager?
The teachers, coaches, uncles aunts, and anyone these teenagers come
across may fail to understand them but parents are the first aid to these
children in a fragile phase.
Parents, let us understand, there are several reasons why teenagers are
the way they are. Sometimes they get too excited to try out new things get
bored of something, want some thrill, want to chill, look cool, grab the attention of people around them be it positive or negative, etc., resultantly
we as adults may see them as confused or rebellious or arrogant at times.
Is it their mistake? As parents and responsible citizens, it is our duty to help them and facilitate them and walk them through the choices they make.
This time that you invest in them will help them turn into responsible
citizens and make them able enough to do the right thing even when no
one is watching. They may turn out to be a personality with primary
greatness and integrity.
The only thing we need to do is guide them and take baby steps with them,
let us see what they generally go through and how can we help?
Hormones and puberty
Puberty is when the human body changes itself to be attaining reproductive
maturity. Androgens, testosterone increases in boys and female sex
hormones called estrogens shoot up in females. They begin to feel the
change and development in their body but find it complex to understand. As they are physically maturing their mind too goes through changes along
with it. They start to explore new aspects, the way they look, the way this
new change feels, the way the world around them pursues their change,
etc. as parents we need to be approachable and also talk to them up front
about the change they are going through. Girls should be made aware of
periods well in time so that they are prepared. boys should be explained
about how they are supposed to behave around the girls of their age and
that they will see changes in their childhood female friends too which is
quite normal. Here the key role of the parents is to observe the changes, be
approachable and answer their questions before they get on the internet
and receive extra information. It is during these times that they need
emotional support and space, so, provide them when they need it because
they might want to be around friends more than having you around.
3Ps – parents, peers, and pressure!
I call it performance pressure by peers and parents!
it is the first time in life when the RAT RACE begins..!! for parents and
family mostly, academic performance matters! For friends, looks or swag is
important. maybe if the child is going through crush/ opposite sex attraction
for them, pleasing her or him anyway is important, achieving in sports,
extracurricular activities, looking good/ attractive, getting good marks, entrance exams, choosing career, fighting parents and family for career
choice, phew…! too much pressure in too little time! parents believe their
child is going nowhere in life if their expectations are not fulfilled, children, if can’t achieve what they want, feel helpless. so…. huh..!! breath ! it is
important..! because Grades and ranks have started to affect a teenager’s
life so much that it has become a major reason for high rates of suicides
today. Entrance exams have become a must nowadays that no matter if
you like it or not you have to take them. Implementation of new rules in
medical education has resulted in the sad demise of a very talented student
from Tamilnadu. Teenagers are made to think that if they don’t become an
engineer or doctor, they can’t become successful in life. There’s no room
for passion anymore. Unable to cope up with all these demands teenagers
tend to lose their self-esteem and resultantly It starts to give them an
inferiority complex. Parents can try and help them understand their passion and also help them deal with failures if needed. make sure the children are confident and feel secured always.
Bullying
Teenage is a time when, either, children try to bully their fellow members or get bullied by the hooligans around them and hence High school can be
difficult. the bully generally harras a person If he or she doesn’t fall under
certain categories that he wants the other students to be, teenagers do
face a tough time. Most of us have been victimized or have bullied or have
been bystanders to bullying. We know how much it affects us. Parents may
not know if the child is being bullied or even if he is a bully unless they
notice behavioural changes in the children. This doesn’t mean that you
invade their private space but If they become increasingly distraught and if
you notice a fall in their grades at an alarming rate then it is time to take the matter seriously. regular friendly talk with your child can always help. This is the time they are shaping up to get into adulthood hence treat them like adults and give them respect. being nosy, may not help and make them
lose confidence in you. Bullying if not identified earlier can take a toll and
leave a mark on a child forever. On the other hand, if you feel that a child is
a bully, without jumping into a decision, confirm it. Try talking to your child and if it doesn’t work out the best decision would be to seek professional
help.
Love / attraction/ infatuation:
the whole mushy Bollywood influence plays a crucial role to introduce every teenager with the mushy side of teenage, when chocolates,
cards, gifts, roses become important.
& wo dena tofeh me, sone ki baaliyann,
wo lena doston se paise udhaar
Of course, its attraction/ affection/ infatuation/love and what not! Every
beautiful feeling that it can be. That attention to one particular person of the opposite sex and the world is changed! most of us have first love;
memories from this very phase of life. That sweet sixteen phase we may
call it!
This is the time we develop feelings and feel good about it. first love
definitely makes one a better person, It is completely normal and as
important. Parents need to understand that history is repeating! As adults,
instead of making a taboo about it we should teach them the difference
between infatuation and love. If children bring up the topic to you don’t
brush it up aside. Instead, ask them how and what do they feel? listen to
them as you listen to an adult because they are now stepping into
adulthood and then choose to voice your opinion or ask them questions to
facilitate them and let them think and decide. If you respect their feelings,
they will listen to you and seek your consent.
Another side of this aspect is heartbreaks. This is also the time they may
need a shoulder to lean on and a friend to count upon. When they open up
their feelings to you, don’t ask them to forget all about it and move on.
instead, talk about your story to help them realize, they are not the only one
to face it. make them comfortable in their own skin. and give them a pep
talk. its high time we treat them like responsible adults to make them
behave like one.
Privacy and Space
Due to the changes, they start experiencing that would like to enjoy a little
private space. There is no problem in giving them that up to a limit. If you
always breathe down their shoulder and if they feel that you are always up
in their business, they will get increasingly distraught and tend to become
more aggressive. If they are asking for some alone time let them be. They
will soon start to see that you understand them and will even share their
personal problems with you. This is the time that they tend to go into a
shell. They will throw tantrums. If you don’t handle them well it could be a
huge mistake on your part. Try to see their world from their perspective. If
they want a room with a door, give them that without hesitating. They will
see the trust you have on them and will not misuse it. The space that you
give is the space that they need to grow. If you feel that he/she is always
behind closed doors then the best advice will be to talk to them about it. In
case it doesn’t improve, seek professional help. There is no wrong in
consulting a psychiatrist and make your child understand that.
Social media influence
Aag Laga do is phone is tv ne barbaad kar ke rakha hai/ ye kya Saara
din laptop le kar ghoomte rehte ho! are few dialogues that we have grown
up with, internet, mobile, and television have played a vital role to shape
our present and future. The influence and rapid use of digital media has
become probably the most worrisome aspect of parents. Their child’s life for their parents. Today anything and everything is available on the internet. If we don’t guide them well, they will look for answers on the internet. Since most of the information is not reliable, they will get misguided. Teenage celebrities are increasing now. Too many teenage models are seen everywhere on the internet. This promotes a wrong body image in these young minds, resulting in low self-esteem and depression. They need to understand that they are amazing the way they are. They should be content with themselves and as parents, we have a huge role to play in this. You should understand that every single child is different. He is unique the way he is. The moment you start comparing him with someone else, he will start doubting and questioning himself. For this, if you maintain a generation gap, he will never come to you. Understand that times have changed. They do not have the same childhood that you had. The world is evolving and so is your child. Try to keep pace with him. Social media won’t be his first resort if he thinks you are more reliable and trustworthy and for that, you should first trust him.
Drugs and substance abuse
The root cause is peer pressure. Teenagers to blend in with the crowd start
trying them out. One or two times is fine but if it becomes a habit then the
trouble starts. They might get too addicted that they might not be able to
distinguish right from wrong. To obtain the drug they will get ready to do
anything and everything. Morality will seem immaterial to them. This is not
their fault. Addiction is something very hard to overcome unless we seek
medical help. As parents, we can prevent this from happening. If your child
doesn’t perform well in school in spite of being a bright student and if his
grades fall drastically then it is a matter of concern. Talk to his teachers
regularly to see if he is attentive in class. The first give away is his
behaviour. Check if he is increasingly tired and approaches him softly. This
is the time you need to handle them carefully or else they might break
easily. Talk to his friends but don’t seem too nosy. Remember they are
closer to him. If he finds out that you are going around town asking
questions about him, he will sniff that something is wrong.
So, in conclusion, let us agree to the fact that the life of a teen is complex.
and much more pressure do they go through than what we have seen in
our times. Bear in mind that they are fragile. Anything you say will have a
deep impact on them and will shape their relationship with you. Don’t rule
their lives, just guide them It is a rollercoaster filled with surprises,
emotions, relationships, and heartbreaks. The ride sure is bumpy but the
drop is even more enjoyable. To all the adolescents, buckle up because it
is going to be one hell of a ride. later in life, you will understand the reason
behind everything that you went through and the things you were worried
about earlier will now only make you smile.
