Or is there a right age to get married? This is a question that we should ask ourselves more than anything else.

All of us, especially girls, the dream of our Mr Right coming on a white horse to our rescue and have our happily ever after. Our parents have always told us that when the right age comes, a girl should get a suitable boy and marry him, have children and the entire cycle has been taught to us since generations. The pressure of all this is especially on a particular gender. Yes, you guessed it, the female gender.

So why does the fairer sex have to deal with such pressure? Well, they say there are certain biological reasons due to which a girl has to get married at the ‘right age’.

I know you already have thought of those reasons. These reasons are: bearing a child, nourishment and care of the child, etc. Because you won’t have the same energy in your 40s as you have in your 20s, right?

And this perception of getting married at the ‘right age’ is not only restricted to countries like India. It is universal. Or it once was. All the countries across the globe suffered from the ‘right age syndrome’ (that is what I like to call it.) Some countries still suffer from it. And the girls, unfortunately, have to bear the brunt of it.

And the consequence of not giving in to that pressure? “Log kya kahenge?” (What will the people around say?) “30 saal ki ho gayi hai aur Abhi tak shaadi nahi ki?” (You have turned 30 already and are still unmarried?)

But really, when we talk about the ‘right age’, what does it mean? Is there a pre-defined range of the ages during which a girl should get married?

So if you tell me that the right age is between 25 to 30 or 32 at the max, then why did actress Priyanka Chopra get married at the age of 35 or 36?

If you have biological reasons as your next point, then how did actress, activist and cancer survivor Lisa Ray have a child in her 40s? And that too, twins!

The point is, it is pretty easy to write off a girl as “not a marriage material” when in reality she has her dreams of her own to fulfil. Nobody asks a guy to marry by the age of 30, right? Then why the girl?

I guess the mentality that we all have gulped down so easily has a lot to do with the media and entertainment industry too.

We have all watched fairy-tale classics like Cinderella and Rapunzel where the damsel can think of nothing else but marriage as soon as she turns of marriageable age.

It is these stories that have trained us to think that our happily ever after is only possible if we find a well-qualified man from a rich family who will take care of us.

But they forgot to teach us that it is important to first get ourselves well placed in life because happily ever after exists only when both the genders are equally competent to make it a reality.

So let us take a look at some of the factors that we, like girls, should take into consideration before you jump the wagon of “Just Married”:

Stability is important:

It is not just important. It is the need of the hour. Gone are the days when we had our roles limited to that of being just a homemaker because we had no choice. Now, when I talk about being a homemaker, I do not demean its role, certainly not. But when a woman HAS to become a homemaker because she did not keep herself her first priority, now that gets me worried.

Today a woman can be a working woman and can handle the entire house with equal ease. This is what we do when we have a choice. And that choice comes only when we have stability in life.

We have to match shoulders with our male counterparts to provide for our families as well. Now, what kind of stability am I talking about here? Let’s see:

Financial Stability:

It is of utmost importance that we make ourselves financially stable first before we even think of marriage. So how do you gain financial stability? The answer is Education. Millions of girls worldwide do not have access to primary education, let alone having a degree to their name. So do not take your privilege of getting educated for granted.

Yes, the lectures are boring, but they will come in handy like a booklet on building rafts when you are stranded on an island (if you know what I mean!)

Now, what education has to do with being financially stable? Well, the answer is obvious: You will earn money only when you secure a good job. Starting your own business too requires knowledge. And you can get a good job or start your own business only when you educate yourself adequately.

Education:

This point is the most important out of all the others. There is a certain mindset that we most people have been brought up with. And this is especially common in rural areas. The typical line that you get to hear is: “Itna padh likh ke kya karogi? Baad Mein toh Shaadi hi honi hai!” (What will you achieve out of studying so much? In the end, you have to get married!)

But what we often forget is that education provides you with the most important thing ever. It is even considered as a superpower to have. That superpower is empowerment.

Education empowers us to make our own decisions. We get the power to live our life at our own terms because we know what is right and wrong for us. And the power to differentiate comes from education.

There are many people, including actors and actresses around the world who have kept education at the top of their priorities as they realized they were the lucky few to have access to it in the first place.

Education is like fuel to our engine. If you don’t have enough of it, your car won’t go far. Education has the power to empower.

Mental Readiness:

After you have ticked the above box, the other thing that should be in your “Things to do before you get married” list is to check if you are mentally ready for it or not. Life, as we know, is far more complex than our fantasies. And marital life is even more so. It is important to know whether you are mentally ready to make one of the biggest commitments of life.

It is important to be mentally ready for all the challenges that marriage has in store and for that it is important to stay mentally healthy, too. Mental health issues are as real as ever today. Hence it is important to sort out the issues that trouble us the most before we get into a lifelong commitment like marriage.

Physical readiness:

As important it is to be mentally and financially ready, it is also important to be physically ready. There are millions of girls worldwide that get married before they turn 12 or 13 years old. Your biological state is as important as the above-mentioned factors that contribute your readiness to get married.

Actress Emma Watson said in her HeForShe movement speech, that if the necessary steps are not taken in favour of gender equality then 16.6 million girls in Britain alone will be married by the time they are 16 years old.

Now, what is the relationship between Emma’s speech and the right age to get married? Well, if there isn’t enough awareness about the importance of education and the benefits that come off it, there will be girls who would think the next logical step after turning 16 would be getting married.

Now you may think that I am contradicting my own statement. Because I said at the beginning that there is no right age to get married, right? But 16 years too, is not the right age to get married. Hence it is important to give your education a priority at the age. A girl should be married when she thinks she’s ready.

 Partners:

Now, coming to the most important part of marriage; partners. We call them the other half because they complete a relationship. So you would want to have the same qualities in your partner as you, right?

Kind of Partners to look out for:

As important as marriage is, the two people that make marriage work are equally important too. So the primary qualities that one needs to seek in a partner are:

Education:

This is the most important aspect of any relationship. The entire future of your marriage will depend upon how well educated your other half is. Back in the day, people did not care as much about the male partner’s education as much as they cared about their daughter turning 18.

But today, that is not the case. It is important for both the partners to be equally qualified to set solid foundations to their future. Education also plays an important role in how your partner treats you as a person.

Educated (and sane minded) partners will always treat their partners with respect and dignity. That is the kind of partner you should be looking out for.

Stability:

Yes, as important it is for you to be financially sound like a girl, it a given that your partner should be, too. Now I am not saying that your partner should have the Ambani-equivalent bank balance.

But yes, it is important to find a partner who knows how to take care of you and your children. So no matter how much we deny our parents’ advice of finding a guy with a “stable job”, in the end, it matters the most.

Also, it is important for you to like a girl too, to be financially independent so that you can support your spouse when he needs you the most. Financial stability between partners ensures that you have each other’s back at all times.

Respect and Dignity:

Yes, this rule applies to men and women too. Your man should understand your feelings and wishes and support them in all the ways possible. He should make you feel that you can achieve anything in life.

When partners support each other’s ambitions, it shows positivity in relationships. It is okay to have an outburst of feelings and your man should be man enough to handle them.

It is important to him know that you respect his feelings, too. Let him know that it is okay to feel vulnerable sometimes. Being macho about feelings will not help him solve his problems. Make him feel that you have his back even during his weakest days.

Equality

Meet a guy who would settle for nothing less than his equal. It is a sign that he wants his partner to flourish as much as him in both personal and professional life.

Never settle for someone who makes you feel like your dreams are less important than his. Have a man who helps you build your empire and also makes you feel like you are unstoppable.

So all I want to say is that there is no right age to get married. It is not about time running out that we must decide to get married. It is not about living with a stopwatch in your hand.

It is about being absolutely sure before you take the big plunge. It is about finding someone not just to kill your time with your entire life but to be with someone who makes you feel like you made the right decision.

I am not trying to show too much bias towards people who have got married early in life. Sometimes it does feel right and you do feel ready to take that major step early in life. It differs from person to person.

But skipping the most important events that will help shape you as a person, just because marriage “feels right at the moment” is not right. Nothing is more important than your own future and your consent to get married.

Thankfully, the world around us is changing and so are the rules of marriage. The number of girls being pressured to get married is reducing rapidly by the day. But the problem is not yet solved. We still have a long way to go. I hope you take matters of your future as seriously as you take the matter of marriage.